| "Here, where people have knelt in prayer. And knelt in semen."
"You can't unfuck a kid. Once you fuck a kid, you can't get that genii out of the bottle."
"I lost my virginity through my ear."
" 'To create a race of masters from a race of slaves,' Mr. Whittier said, 'to teach a controlled group of people how to create their own lives, Moses had to be an asshole.' "
"As the French would say: Who doesn't like getting their butt sucked? Still, one minute you're just a kid getting off, and the next minute you'll never be a lawyer."
"As a fundraiser, our first idea was 'Five Bucks to Punch a Mime.' "
"If death meant just leaving the stage long enough to change costume and come back as a new character...Would you slow down? Or speed up?"
"This is just what human beings do--turn objects into people, people into objects. Back and forth. Tit for tat."
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These are all quotes from a very interesting, and also very disturbing book I'm reading right now. It's called "Haunted," and it's written by Chuck Palahniuk, the same guy who wrote "Fight Club."
The basic concept of the book is that it tells a story using other stories. There are 20 or so main characters, who all agree to sneak away from their lives for three months to go on a writers' retreat, in order to escape the distractions that are keeping them from writing their masterpiece. I don't want to ruin any surprises, so I'll only say what the inside flap says...
"[the retreat]...turns out to be a cavernous and ornate old theater where they are utterly isolated from the outside world-- and where heat and power and, most important, food are in increasingly short supply. And the more desperate the circumstances become, the more extreme the stories they tell-- and the more devious their machinations become to make themselves the hero of the inevitable play/movie/nonfiction blockbuster that will surely be made from their plight."
The format of the book is a bit odd, too. There is a chapter of the main story, followed by a poem about one of the main characters (written by whom, it never says), followed by a short story written by that main character, and telling a story of his/her past. Lather, rinse, and repeat.
The stories all intertwine with the main plot to make this "novel of stories" downright intriguing. I'm only about halfway through, so the ending may just piss me off, but I'm really sucked into it right now.
There is also a strong element of satire in this novel. The whole "reality TV" culture is being mocked as the characters do ridiculous things for fame. They make their situation so much worse than it has to be, because tragedy sells. People want to hear an awful story. They're competing to see whose tragedy can be the worst, bringing pain and suffering upon themselves because it will make them look like martyrs when their story is finally told to the rest of the world. The utter unbelievability of their actions pokes fun at our society.
A few words of warning, if you intend on reading this book:
DON'T read the wikipedia page! It gives away major plot points. I got two characters' backstories spoiled for me. Luckily, I was only a few pages away from finding out anyway.
This book contains very disturbing stories. One of them, "Guts," is a horribly graphic and disgusting story about masturbation gone wrong. I read that story as a personal challenge, after hearing that 73 people have fainted while listening to Palahniuk read the story in bookstores. Some of them ran to the bathrooms to vomit, passed out, and gave themselves concussions on the toilet. Fortunately, I was pleasantly surprised (if at all possible while reading such a nasty story) to find that the masturbation disasters only involve males. Female masturbation gone wrong could be so much worse, in my opinion.
"Guts" is the worst story I've come across so far, although I guess that depends on your own point of view, and it's the first story in the book. Don't get discouraged after reading it! It gets less gross! However, if you have a weak stomach, this might not be the book for you.
Anyway, I didn't intend to ramble this much, but I didn't want to leave anything out. | comments: Leave a comment   |
| Going into this lesson, I only had 2 hours of driving experience. I asked the instructor if she planned on taking me on any major roads, and she said yes. I was a bit nervous, but if I don't step outside my comfort zone, I'll never learn to drive.
Next thing I know, she's taking me onto 192, across the causeway. That was a bit scary, with the wind along the water and all.
Next thing I know, she's taking me onto A1A, which is a major road with militant bikers and surfers constantly running out in traffic and people constantly cutting people off.
Next thing I know, she's taking me onto I-95! That's right, with two hours experience behind the wheel, she's directing me onto a interstate well-known for stupid maneuvers, at speeds in excess of 70 mph, during RUSH HOUR! It was scary.
Either I'm actually a decent beginning driver, or she's very good at lying and building up students' confidence. I made it back alive, and she never had to use her override brake pedal or correct the way I was turning the wheel. I'm actually beginning to feel like it's possible to learn to drive and pass the test in two months.
I have two more lessons next week... hopefully they'll go as well as this one did! Maybe eventually I'll stop being afraid of other cars on the road.
Mom and I went to the beach last night to collect shells around sunset, and it was beautiful. There were ghost crabs all over, though, and they remind me too much of spiders.
We were back on the beach at sunrise this morning, and we saw sea turtle tracks. It's their mating season, so beachfront properties turn off their lights at night so the turtles can mate in peace. Some environmental organization drives around every morning to collect eggs to hatch in a lab somewhere and release into the wild more safely. I hope they leave some nests alone, though.
We're going back to the beach tomorrow... this is the life!
On a side note, Mom's friend (a woman in her late 60s) just said that every time she sees Dick Cheney, it's a turn-on. No offense to Dick Cheney, but I don't want to hear stuff like that. | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| | Security: | | | Subject: | :) | | Time: | 01:34 pm | | Current Mood: |  dorky |
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| I have awesome friends!
Thanks for the offer, and I'll let you know if/when your services are needed!
On a happier note... the Phoenix Mars lander has landed successfully and is on a very exciting mission! There are a couple cool pictures so far, and more to come!
http://www.nasa.gov/mission_pages/phoenix/main/index.html
Also, I had a weird dream last night. Kim and I had crazy neighbors with lots of animals, and we adopted a cat from them. We soon discovered that the cat used to be a human mother, and these crazy neighbors regularly turned people into animals. The cat really enjoyed jumping on my head, and apparently that was her way of telling me her daughter was a kitty still in the house with the crazy old couple.
Kim and I snuck back into their house to steal the daughter cat, but they came home and almost caught us. Among the weird things that happened were:
-spirits of people they'd cursed haunting their house by hanging braided flowers everywhere
-a cat being thrown over 300 feet by a crazy old man in a wheelchair
-a volleyball hitting that old man in the head, putting him in the wheelchair to begin with, causing his head to be shaped like a potato
-the old couple nearly killing me and Kim because they thought we were trying to steal that volleyball, the best volleyball they've ever had because "even when it hit him so hard it made him half-retarded, the letters didn't come off the ball!"
-Kim managing to hide a cat behind her back and walk sideways
-me hiding tiny slips of paper in my bra when the crazy couple came home
-the old man wanting to give me a hug, then burying his face in my chest for well over a minute, then asking where I got my "lovely sweater" and trying to look inside the chest of it to find out (I'm pretty sure he suspected the papers were in my bra, otherwise he was just being really creepy)
I was a bit relieved when I woke up. Maybe I shouldn't have had a brownie right before bed... | | comments: Leave a comment |
| Exciting news in Annaland:
Mom bought a car that will most likely end up being mine, unless it turns out to be a lemon. It's a red 2004 PT cruiser, and it has more storage space than you might think for such a small vehicle.
In about a month, I'll get to see some of my favorite people, my Maryland friends that I haven't seen in what seems like forever! I don't know if I can wait that long... it can get kind of boring around here.
I came closer than ever before to a peacock... they make weird noises, and it's apparently their mating season. There's a neighborhood in Cocoa Beach that is teeming with peacocks. They're more common than gutter cats on Alabama's campus. The stray cats and small dogs in the neighborhood seem to think it's perfectly normal, and they coexist quite peacefully. It's an odd sight.
I just read The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, and I can't wait to get back to the library and pick up The Restaurant at the End of the Universe. Douglas Adams, you are a genius. I wish I hadn't waited so long to start reading his books, but oh well. This summer, I have nothing but time. I think tomorrow I'll lounge in the sun at the pool... | | comments: 2 comments or Leave a comment |
| | Security: | | | Time: | 05:47 am | | Current Mood: |  sleepy |
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| | So, who forgot I even existed on LiveJournal? I know I did! | | comments: Leave a comment |
| I just about had a heart attack. To make a long story short, the spider is dead and all my books are covered in Windex. I managed to kill it on my own by finally getting sick of chasing it across my library with a spray bottle, and beating it to death with a water bottle. I'm still shaking all over and it's suddenly really hot in here. I hate being this scared of spiders. There's no reason for me to whack it 30 times, muttering things like "son of a bitch spider, ill show you to come into my room" and the occasional "SHIT!!!" when it changed directions toward me and I stumbled over a pair of shoes in my efforts to back away quickly... I admit this is an incredibly irrational fear, one that should be getting better with time instead of worse. But it is getting worse. I can't touch its body yet because it might be playing dead and it might crawl on me... ugh, phobias suck.
Again, I miss having men around to kill spiders for me. But at least now I can sleep tonight. | | comments: 4 comments or Leave a comment |
| There's a spider in my room. I can't sleep knowing it's in here. I almost asked my mom to kill it for me but I wanted to believe I'm not a total wuss, so I sprayed it with Windex and now I don't know where it is. It could be anywhere. I keep looking up to see if it's on the ceiling above me, and there's a pile of clothes it could be in. Instead of shaking those clothes and risking the spider getting on me, I'll just wash them later, so if the spider's in them, it'll die. Some kinds of spiders I can kill, and I'm not really scared of them. But most of them, especially the really dark, hairy, ugly ones that move really fast, like this one... *shudder* At least I'm not this scared of roaches. But I still can't sleep here because it might crawl on me while I'm alseep, and it might even tunnel inside my ear and get stuck, which is my worst fear in the world. Other people think they're scared of spiders, but I think I put all their "phobias" to shame. One time, I was so scared that a spider was in my hair and I couldn't get it out, I was in tears as I jumped into the shower with my clothes on, trying to get the spider off. Turns out it wasn't even on me in the first place, and I got two showers that day. Eep! I keep thinking I feel it on me... this room has turned from a cozy little den into a cave of horror.
I miss having men around to kill spiders for me. | | comments: 3 comments or Leave a comment |
| Random thoughts of the day:
People who let homesickness cripple them are weak.
People who get so homesick they wish they were crippled are not weak.
Working with my brother sucks major ass.
Living with my brother also sucks major ass.
Having the resources to skip town and be hundreds of miles away before anyone notices, but not skipping town because I'm responsible, sucks ass.
I'm exhausted at the end of every day, not because my job requires any major physical exertion, but because being nice is so damn tiring when you really wanna slap someone in the face.
Why are cigarette filters speckled? Does it really look cooler? Isn't it more expensive than making them a solid color?
I saw a father and son on the metro today. I see tons of dads and kids all the time, but for some reason these folks stood out to me. The son, maybe 6 years old, just looked so happy. He got scared when we went under the river, so he buried his head in his dad's arm, then peeked up to look out the window, then hid again.
Being the only non-smoker in my house, and at work, tests my patience.
People messing with my stuff tests my patience.
Being polite to my brother even after all the shit he pulls with me, and when he just won't shut up about something I couldn't care less about, tests my patience.
Living with my mom's boyfriend tests my patience. A lot.
Social graces test my patience.
Fountain pens are more fun than ballpoint pens.
Way too many people have too much free time and way too little common sense.
People who buy grape flavored cigars, hollow them out, and smoke weed in them, gross me out. Those grape cigars smell like Flinstones vitamins. Yum... not.
I'd rather be addicted to a tobacco product than plastic surgery. Worst addiction ever. Makes you ugly but you think you're hot stuff.
Music is my favorite addiction. That, and smiling. And laughing. I'm addicted, I really am.
I wanna camp out on the beach with someone. Not sure who.
People backpack across Europe... I wanna backpack across America. Special stop in Kemmerer, Wyoming.
I like trains.
I like planes.
I like automobiles.
I've met some weird deadheads in my day, but never a mean one.
I like books and bookstores.
I think Army Navy Boulevard is a weird name for a street, and I noticed how weird it is for the first time today. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| since the last time i lost my temper, which i think was 4 years ago, i've tried to control it. every time i get close to losing it, i walk away and stew in my own anger for a while, eventually cooling off with no harm done. i'm not sure how much longer this will work.
i had to walk away from at least 3 situations in the last week, which i'm pretty sure is a record. last week i almost caused serious bodily harm to to my brother, and it was one of the hardest thing i've ever done to walk away without causing him massive amounts of pain. any day now, i fully expect to lose my temper completely. i'm not sure what will happen when i do, but i'm sure something expensive will get broken and at least one person will be hurt.
living here is bad for me in so many ways. i laugh less, i'm tired all the time but i can never sleep for more than a few hours, i go from eating everything in sight to barely eating for days, then back again. i look for any excuse to go places alone, or with a friend, but i avoid large groups of people because i have a tendency to make rude comments when people get on my nerves, and i don't even say half the rude things i'm thinking.
i'm not sure why life inside the beltway is so awful for me. it can't be that bad of a place, because i know plenty of people who are perfectly happy here. at least i know i'm not the only one who hates it so much. amanda isn't too thrilled about being back here for the summer either, and my mom wants to leave just as badly as i do. i think if she wasn't so responsible she'd quit her job and just drive to florida now. if i wasn't so responsible, i'd grab some clothes, a good book, and of course some money, and i'd take the next train west. anywhere west. i'd call and tell my mom not to worry, but that would be my only phone call. i'd turn up in tuscaloosa in late august, and never come back here again. too bad i'm responsible.
only 57 days till i move back home.
i'm not sure why i posted all this, or who i expect to read it, but oh well. i did. | | comments: 4 comments or Leave a comment |
| Your results:
You are Spider-Man
| Spider-Man |
| 70% |
| Iron Man |
| 70% |
| Superman |
| 65% |
| Green Lantern |
| 65% |
| Batman |
| 55% |
| Supergirl |
| 55% |
| Wonder Woman |
| 55% |
| Robin |
| 55% |
| The Flash |
| 50% |
| Hulk |
| 45% |
| Catwoman |
| 45% |
|
You are intelligent, witty,
a bit geeky and have great
power and responsibility.
 |
Click here to take the Superhero Personality Test
HAPPY BIRTHDAY MARISA!! | | comments: Leave a comment |
| |
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